were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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