she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
