Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She bit a glass in half.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
