The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
