After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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