when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
