the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
