I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My penis needs a shock collar
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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