Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
