Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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