is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
