dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
