The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
