in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
