If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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