Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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