$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize