hotel room ftw
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
