There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
