I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
