I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
