I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
