You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
