I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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