Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
