remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize