This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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