My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
