theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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