We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
