That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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