I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
