I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
