Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
