Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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