i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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