As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
