I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
