Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
