Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
