bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
