I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
