Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
