remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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