I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize