just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I know her cup size but not her name....
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
