Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
