i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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