Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
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