Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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