I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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