i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
