I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
