pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
