the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
