So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
