I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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