he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
