so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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