found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
