Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
