Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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