I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize