you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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