So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
