Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
