WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
